Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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