half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my shit smells like andre
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
