He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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