living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
