Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
