I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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