Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
