They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
