she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
