Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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