you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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