Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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