Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
