I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
