Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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