Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
