You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
