in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
