I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
