i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
