i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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