i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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