U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
