it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
