Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
