ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
