my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
