Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
