I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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