but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
