i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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