cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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