I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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