you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A bitchslap is in order.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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