I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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