WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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