i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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