Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
