it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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