I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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