Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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