Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
