It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
