Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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