he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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