woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
