i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
