On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
