After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
