Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
