The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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