He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
