just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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