Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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