Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
