i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
