After last night, I could never be a politician.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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