I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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