she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
