a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
